The Emotional Crisis Our Children Face
Jun 17, 2025
Being the Adult in the Room Means Owning Your Emotions
By LaBrita Andrews, Ed.M.
Founder of EVO 50™ | Creator of Team-Based Parenting™
When Parents Don’t Own Their Emotions, Kids Carry the Weight
Blaming your child for your bad day is the easy way out. Real parenting means owning your mood, your reactions, and your impact. Kids aren’t emotional scapegoats. It’s time for parents to step up and take responsibility—no excuses.
The Emotional Crisis Our Children Face
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6.8 million children ages 5–17 (13.6%) received mental health treatment last year, including therapy or counseling (CDC, 2023).
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Nearly 3.6 million children ages 5–11 (9%) received counseling or therapy for emotional struggles (Statista, 2023).
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Roughly 8 million teens (31.9%) face anxiety disorders, often starting in childhood (Compass Health Center).
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Suicide is the second leading cause of death for youth ages 10–14, with rates rising (Jason Foundation).
What’s Driving These Numbers?
Many parents unintentionally pass their emotional burden onto their children—a process called emotional parentification.
When parents say things like:
- “You’re making me angry.”
- “Why can’t you do better?”
- “You’re upsetting me.”
Kids start feeling responsible for their parents’ emotions, carrying adult burdens far too early. This dynamic is linked to increased anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and behavioral problems (Newport Academy; Morris et al., 2007).
Why Emotional Responsibility Matters
Children of emotionally responsible parents develop better self-confidence, emotional regulation, and autonomy (Eisenberg & Spinrad, 2014). Emotionally safe homes where parents own their feelings and reactions reduce conflict and foster open communication—critical for healthy brain development (Shonkoff & Phillips, 2000).
Emotional Intelligence vs. Emotional Responsibility
Emotional Intelligence (EI) means recognizing and understanding emotions in yourself and others—being aware of feelings, empathizing, and managing your emotions internally.
Example: noticing you’re frustrated.
Emotional Responsibility (ER) means owning your emotional reactions and how they affect your child—taking accountability for your feelings and responses and managing how you express emotions around your child.
Example: choosing to calmly express frustration without blaming your child.
How to Speak With Emotional Responsibility: Practicing Team-Based Parenting™
Here are common phrases parents say, what to say instead, and how it benefits your child:
|
What Parents Say |
What to Say Instead |
Benefit |
|
“You’re making me angry!” |
“I’m feeling frustrated right now. Can we pause for a moment?” |
Helps your child feel emotionally safe and not blamed for your feelings, reducing anxiety and guilt. |
|
“Why can’t you do better?” |
“I want to help you improve. Let’s figure this out together.” |
Encourages a growth mindset and cooperation instead of shame or fear of failure. |
|
“Stop upsetting me!” |
“I’m upset, but it’s not because of you. Let’s talk about what’s going on.” |
Shows your child they are not responsible for your emotions, building emotional safety. |
|
“Be quiet.” |
“I’m having a hard time focusing right now. Can we take a break?” |
Respects your child’s voice while setting boundaries calmly, keeping emotional safety intact. |
|
“Hurry up!” |
“Let’s try to get ready together so we’re not rushed.” |
Reduces stress by involving the child in problem-solving rather than pressuring them. |
|
“You’re so lazy.” |
“I see you’re struggling. How can I support you?” |
Promotes empathy and support instead of damaging self-esteem or labeling, nurturing emotional safety. |
Challenge: Try One Swap This Week
Swap one usual phrase with its emotionally responsible version. Notice how this changes your connection with your child.
Why EVO 50™ and Team-Based Parenting™ Work
EVO 50™ and Team-Based Parenting™ are grounded in a robust body of research that informs their evidence-based approach to emotional responsibility and collaborative family dynamics. This framework draws on foundational theories and findings from scholars including Lev Vygotsky, John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, Urie Bronfenbrenner, Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, and Daniel Goleman.
About LaBrita Andrews, Ed.M.
LaBrita Andrews, Ed.M., brings over 40 years of parenting experience with five college-educated children alongside her husband, Shang, including 23 years as a stay-at-home mother. She holds a master’s degree from Harvard Graduate School of Education and is currently a doctoral student at Johns Hopkins University School of Education. Her work integrates lived experience with rigorous academic scholarship to support parents in creating emotionally safe and resilient family environments.
Learn More
For more information, visit www.evo50now.com
References & Further Reading
- CDC. (2023). Mental Health in Children. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/mental-health.htm
- Jason Foundation. Youth Suicide Statistics. https://jasonfoundation.com/statistics/
- Morris, A.S., et al. (2077). The Impact of Parenting on Emotion Regulation During Childhood and Adolescence. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17479753/
- Eisenberg, N., & Spinrad, T.L. (2014). Emotion-Related Regulation and Parenting. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0036829
- Shonkoff, J.P., & Phillips, D.A. (2000). From Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development. https://nap.nationalacademies.org/catalog/9824/from-neurons-to-neighborhoods-the-science-of-early-childhood-development
- Masten, A.S., & Cicchetti, D. (2010). Developmental cascades. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-clinpsy-112408-085550
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